How are you doing today?
For me, today has been a day of change. Since 2011, I have been caught in a battle with M.E/CFS. It’s a pretty crappy illness for any sufferer, although I’m one of the luckier ones because I am able to get up, wash myself, go out, have hobbies.
Except I don’t really do any of those things.
Time for a bit of brutal honesty and I’m ashamed to admit to some of these things. I don’t shower every day. I rarely go out, despite being perfectly capable of doing so. I do very little housework. I eat biscuits, chocolate and other junk to excess – yesterday, at a family meal, I ate 8 profiteroles in one go. EIGHT. These were not small profiteroles, either! Almost every day I lose the battle to stop spending hours in front of the TV (first it was Desperate Housewives, then Supernatural and currently it’s Gossip Girl). I’m actually desperate to be a published writer but I’m too chicken-shit to actually do anything about it.
Why do I live like this?
Honest answer: I have no idea. It should be easy to stop, right? Just stop making the bad choices and start making the right ones. I wish it was that simple. In reality, it feels sort of like climbing Everest with one leg and a donkey on your back (I don’t know why anyone would do that); it isn’t impossible, but it’s really, really bloody hard. I hate to use the word ‘depression’ for it, although that’s what Husband reckons. Whatever the cause is – laziness, complacency, fear, depression, something has to change.
Here’s where things change, and how:
- Clean up the diet! No more 8-biscuit lunches (oh yes, really)
- Do some form of exercise at least twice a week, where symptoms allow
- Write something EVERY DAY (I may not post all of it but I will post pieces I’ve written
- Send a piece of writing to someone who could publish it once a month
- Post samples of writing here, on my blog, and submit myself to the prospect of negative feedback from strangers who hate me
- Focus attention on my Open University courses (Reading & Studying Literature and Creative Writing, since you asked)
- Say YES to opportunities with the potential for fun and excitement, even if it means getting outside my comfort zone.
- Document it all and report back
Truth be told, I’m terrified it’ll all go wrong. I am one of life’s great quitters and sticking to anything is tough for me, so I need all the support I can get!! If you aren’t too bored yet, please hang around and I’ll do what I can to make it interesting.
You can also find me on Twitter, under @JessicaVLane, and on Instagram, under jessicavlane.
Until next time!