How It Begins…

How are you doing today?

For me, today has been a day of change. Since 2011, I have been caught in a battle with M.E/CFS. It’s a pretty crappy illness for any sufferer, although I’m one of the luckier ones because I am able to get up, wash myself, go out, have hobbies.

Except I don’t really do any of those things.

Time for a bit of brutal honesty and I’m ashamed to admit to some of these things. I don’t shower every day. I rarely go out, despite being perfectly capable of doing so. I do very little housework. I eat biscuits, chocolate and other junk to excess – yesterday, at a family meal, I ate 8 profiteroles in one go. EIGHT. These were not small profiteroles, either! Almost every day I lose the battle to stop spending hours in front of the TV (first it was Desperate Housewives, then Supernatural and currently it’s Gossip Girl). I’m actually desperate to be a published writer but I’m too chicken-shit to actually do anything about it.

Why do I live like this?

Honest answer: I have no idea. It should be easy to stop, right? Just stop making the bad choices and start making the right ones. I wish it was that simple. In reality, it feels sort of like climbing Everest with one leg and a donkey on your back (I don’t know why anyone would do that); it isn’t impossible, but it’s really, really bloody hard. I hate to use the word ‘depression’ for it, although that’s what Husband reckons. Whatever the cause is – laziness, complacency, fear, depression, something has to change.

Here’s where things change, and how:

  • Clean up the diet! No more 8-biscuit lunches (oh yes, really)
  • Do some form of exercise at least twice a week, where symptoms allow
  • Write something EVERY DAY (I may not post all of it but I will post pieces I’ve written
  • Send a piece of writing to someone who could publish it once a month
  • Post samples of writing here, on my blog, and submit myself to the prospect of negative feedback from strangers who hate me
  • Focus attention on my Open University courses (Reading & Studying Literature and Creative Writing, since you asked)
  • Say YES to opportunities with theĀ potential for fun and excitement, even if it means getting outside my comfort zone.
  • Document it all and report back

Truth be told, I’m terrified it’ll all go wrong. I am one of life’s great quitters and sticking to anything is tough for me, so I need all the support I can get!! If you aren’t too bored yet, please hang around and I’ll do what I can to make it interesting.

You can also find me on Twitter, under @JessicaVLane, and on Instagram, under jessicavlane.

Until next time!

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How It Begins…

2 thoughts on “How It Begins…

  1. heather090702 says:

    Bravo!

    Too much of this rings true for me. I canceled an appointment today because I didn’t want to shower. Then I took a nap.

    I will follow your journey intently. As a writer, I will offer advice on that in any way I can, because let’s be honest, I’m certainly no Hemingway. However, I AM spades above the woman who wrote that “50 Shades” bullshit, so there’s that. Also, though I struggle with my own issues of depression and anxiety, I have actually improved by leaps and bounds over the past several years.

    As a fellow writer, you know how easy it is to write novels as simple comments. But I want you to know that I understand and I will support you in any way I can and I am very proud of you for coming forth with this and having a plan of attack. You can most certainly accomplish this and have a better quality of life. I’m always right, so it must be true.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Oh Heather, you really are one in a million. Thank you so much for your lovely words. And yes…I make excellent essays of short notes as well. I like when people write lengthy comments – it makes it more like a conversation! Thank you so much and if you have any suggestions, I’ll be very pleased to hear them.

      Liked by 1 person

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